Please.

I can't hold back any longer, the pain seems to be pulling stronger. I don't know what there is left to do. I have gone so long, without doing the wrong, but I just can't help it , there's nothing left to do. It's hard to breathe, knowing what hides beneath my sleeves. Funny how nobody seems to really know. I can tell you all I want, though it isn't worth the shot, you will never know the real reason behind it. For I don't even understand myself, why I do this to myself, how. When the blood runs down, it seems to  heal the wounds that hide much deeper then on the skin. For my heart is buried deep inside of me, nobody really knows what it keeps, locked away inside. I wish I could come out, stop hiding myself underneath the aching smiles. My eyes may seem to shine, but they really feel dull, my laughter sounds happy, though really I am sobbing.  I just want it back, one last time. Just one more drop of blood to spill, just a few more scars aren't a big deal. Though one swipe turns into a bloodbath, one tear turns into an ocean, I can never escape this fear. I just want my addiction back , I want to live it one more time. No matter how many scars can cover my body, no matter how much fear enters my soul, all I seem to do is dig myself deeper, and deeper into this hole called addiction.